The Jorgensen cracks my skull as they tighten the screws. Another drop of my soul is squeezed out. Uncle Fester would be proud.
Hey x boy, I’m crushing your head, I’m crushing your head.
Sogging thru the bloody halls, you could hear the muffled screams from behind closed doors. Hip waders, I thought. I should have worn my hip waders. Good morning X, came the sweet cool voice. Good morning Mother, I responded. What are you doing down here. Oh, just wanted to see your smiling face, oh wait, I hear you don’t smile anymore, she said with a cherry attitude. Is not the inner circles a pleasing environment these days? Well, responded I, you might say it’s just a little more humid, as the blood under my shoes made a wet squishy sound as I walked. With your new austerity and staff realignment program, Bob from HR must be racking up that OT, all that murder, and such. Snicker….Your just not looking at it in the right light, mother smiled.
X, I am glad that you could make this meeting, D.B. Dante said in her squeaky voice. This is the time I scheduled with you for my performance review, I stated. Yes, ..snicker…snicker…performance review, let’s start with that D.B said. As you are aware, for the short time that you have been here, I haven’t been your official manager. What? I am your directreport, responded I. Indeed, quipped D.B. with a fucking condescending attitude. But I have only been standing in, sort of to say, not your “official” manager.….snicker.….snicker…snicker….giggle…OK, so what does that actually mean, I questioned. That means, as a stand in manager, I can fill out your performance review in accordance to corporate policy giggle….giggle…giggle….but cannot make any judgment on your performance. I feel that you have excelled in your role down here, X. You have been exceptional in all aspects and truly outshine your fellow employees. With the giggle…giggle….giggle…ha…ha..new corporate standard of expectations and requirement to go above and beyond, you have excelled and exceeded in all that was expected, establishing a new level of excellence for the department to aspire to meet. Making your overall rating a Meets ha…ha…ha…ha..Expectations… ha…ha..Ha..Ha.. Wait, you just said that I exceeded what was expected, so shouldn’t I be receiving an Exceeds Expectation rating, I politely questioned. Yes, D.B. corrected, you did exceeded expectation, to such a high degree, that you established a new standard of expectation. By doing so,you meet those expectations, so your rating is Meets Expectations. Ha…Ha…Ha….Ha…Which is a passing grade and will qualify you for a 1% compensation adjustment. But I would be remiss if I didn’t remind you that our corporate standards here demands better than passing grades, we demand excellence. So if you continue to just pass, your position can be in jeopardy. Ha...Ha…HA…HA…HA.. So how do I garnish an Exceeds Expectation grade, I annoyingly questions. Well said D.B. , you need to exceed. But you will have to take that up with your new manager, Mr. Hy Dra. New manager? HA…HA…HA…HA…HA..Your dumping me into the Field Utilization Client Kaon Desk?HA….HA….HA….HA…HA…HA, a support service job?
As her laughter echoed down the hall, I could feel my face turn red. Mother, you are not very funny snuck out between my drawn lips. HA…HA….HA…HA….HA…..HA… mother laughed, yes I am, you just have no sense of humor.
Fucking truth, you just can’t make that up.
