Back to Work

For those of you that have not been “blessed’ with working around the corporate world, there are many aberration of people that inhabit that universe, yet very few Human Beings. As I have alluded to, not all of them are zombies, or whores like me. Indeed, zombies are not even the most hideous creature that slitter or slim down the walkways of these festering marble halls.




He was a small man, in every meaning of the phrase. His physique required him to shop in the youth department of most stores. While his service orientated job position placed him on the lower part of the corporate food chain. Yet still, his services were in somewhat demand. This, in his mind’s eye, elevated his stature to God like control.

“Yes,…we will see what we can do”, he said, with his beady eyes darting back and forth. Never talking or looking directly at you, his cubicle’s chair squeaked as he leaned back in it. He placed his hands behind his head and flexed his biceps in the short sleeved beige rugby shirt he was wearing. “I will be happy to help you with this project. But scheduling may be an issue, maybe you should push through this initiative and I will follow up on the findings. In this way, your name will also be on the project, and you may get some credit for it too”. Well, isn’t this what you’re here to do? ”Yes, yes, my role is quite well defined here, and as I said, I would be happy to help you with this project. It’s just that I have so many other projects lined up that I don’t know when I would be able to address yours”, he retorted. “If you do it, we can complete it in a timelier manner”. Really, well who is your manager, who do you report to? Maybe I can talk to them about your work load and getting you some help. “No, No, that would not be necessary”, he said sitting up straight as his chair squeaked. “As I said, I will be happy to help you. It’s just that I get no support from management. I’m here all by myself and have no one to assist me in scheduling and completing projects. And for some reason, my computer is not running properly. I have talked to the IT people but to no resolve. They don’t even return my calls or emails. But I will do this for you, even with my messed up computer and the carpal tunnel that is affecting my left hand. I can see how important it is to you, so I will even give it a priority. How would three weeks from today be?” Three weeks, am I missing something here? This seems like a fairly straight forward project. How backlogged is your work load? The Senior VP of Marketing seemed to believe, if I understood him correctly, that this could be completed in a week at the longest. “Oh it’s so back logged, those VP just keep dumping projects on me. They don’t care how much work I have to do. But I’m not complaining, mind you. They just don’t understand how hard this job is or that I have to work on more than one project at a time. And did I tell you I have carpal tunnel in my right hand?”, he whined. “But I will get this done for you. How would the beginning of next week be?” That’s fine, I will report this back to the committee.

As I was walking out of his cubicle he picked up his phone. There just outside the cubicle, I was delayed by another corporate aberration known as “The Weekend Sport Reaper”, who had to recite and recap the highlights of Sunday’s football game for me. But before I could leave, I overheard from the cubical a phone conversation with a zombie. “You need to do this project immediately” he said. “The VP of Marketing wants you to do it”. I know, but he wants you. Put those other three projects you are working on for me aside, he needs this before the end of the week. Don’t worry, you can still get to your own work. I am totally overloaded, and I have carpal tunnel. You said that you would help me. Besides, like I said, VP of Marketing wants YOU to do this. When you are done, just deliver it to me, I will pass it on for you.” And as I heard him hang up the phone I could hear his chair squeak.

“Weasel Boy”