found

The pain is constant, dull ache spreading engulfing conquering, like the background noise of the air handlers. It is comforting, a warm blanket to wrap around oneself and feel at home with. It anchors me to this existence, my touch stone. And there are no worries, all is well, the sun is shining, it is another day, this is truly bliss.  Pain is bliss, it shows me that she cares. It becomes my self-worth, my meaning, my future. Here I more than accept it, I revel in it, enjoy it. It is my badge of honor, my sacrifice, my commitment, my expression of love for Mother. And she lovingly turns the screw a little tighter. Through it all I have found myself, I have purpose, I exist as a vessel for Mother to fill with pain. Mother had flayed  me and I have found my true inner presence amongst the blood. I am here for Mother, I love Mother and she loving and forcefully inflicts her will upon me. She hurts me to show her love. Mother smiles at my cries of agony, I am happy, this is Paradise.